Empty Inside

From Outsider to Mega-Insider: How God found me and met me in my deep lonliness.

Story Tags

relationships, identity, approval, emptiness

Explore the Story

• Craving Acceptance
• Twists and Turns
• Finding True Love
• Identity Crisis
• The Hole in Our Heart
• Where's God in suffering?

Even as a small child, I had this feeling of emptiness--this haunting feeling that I was missing something--this feeling that I needed something that I didn't have and a hunger to fill it. At times, it was even a kind of an overwhelming ache that I didn't know what to do about.

Because of this, I tried to find ways to fill the emptiness. I tried getting good grades. I tried sports. I tried winning other's approval through the things I could do or how funny I could be. I tried making the right friends. I tried finding just the right girl friend. I tried alcohol. But, in the end, all these things just left me feeling even emptier than I was before.

As a freshman at the University of North Carolina, I thought, "Now with the world at my finger-tips, I will be able to find that something that will make me feel whole." But, like in the past, no new relationship or experience made any impact on this aching emptiness I felt. In fact, I just felt all the more empty.

On one especially lonely night, it seemed to me that everyone else seemed happy and "together" and I was the only one who was miserable. I took a walk on campus and found myself praying, "God, help me."

About a week later, a friend invited me to a Christian meeting on campus. I thought she was really cute and thought I would go to get to know her better. To be honest, I was more interested in her than I was in what was going on in the meeting. But all that was about to change...

While the main speaker was talking about how God loves me, I somehow felt that he was talking just to me. Even though there was a crowd of people there, it seemed that what he was saying was meant for me only. He told me that Jesus wants to have a relationship with me and that Jesus said He came so I could have an abundant life. Somehow, I just knew that THIS relationship with God was what I had been looking for. So, I just prayed a simple prayer and told God that I wanted to have a relationship with Him.

Since then, Jesus Christ has filled that "emptiness" in my life. Instead of feeling empty, I am filled with joy. Instead of feeling purposeless, I know now that life has meaning. Instead of feeling insignificant, I know that I am significant to God--the ruler of the universe.

You know, at times, I still feel the need to find meaning or significance in my accomplishments, my relationships or what people think of me. When this happens, I just remember that Jesus Christ is the One who truly loves me and He's the one who can fill and has filled that emptiness in my heart.